Your Super Power Revealed

I often speak about how important mindset is to reaching your dreams, or living the life you desire. The truth is, we are all not naturally good at this trait and often times need some assistance in this area.

I work with clients that sometimes seem afraid to tell me what they are really dreaming about – however I quickly explain, I’m pretty useless to them if we don’t get this part out in the open. After a few nervous giggles, I usually hear the deep, dark, beautiful vision they hope for.

Frequently, this reveal is immediately followed by all the reasons they can’t reach their dream and how silly the desire is.

Or worse, I am provided a calculated “safe” description of a dream which is usually a far cry from what the person really wants.

The problem is not that we aim too high and don’t achieve it. It is that we aim too low and reach it.

Ken Robinson

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When we do finally get the real idea/vision/dream out in the open we then have to tackle to stories surrounding why they believe it’s not possible to achieve their desire. This is an extremely important part of the process to address the stories we tell ourselves because you can’t just plow through them (I know, I’ve tried!) because you will sabotage yourself down the road.

Time to get out your pen

The stories we tell ourselves that declare a goal is unachievable, or worse, silly to reach for, must be rewritten. The stories must be identified and rewritten with you as the hero or heroine and creator of your achievement. This is a crucial portion of the process.

Once you can see your goal realized and yourself as the one that can bring this dream to a reality two very important things happen. You have tried it on for size in your imagination and you sometimes find out, you really actually don’t want it. Or you have just set yourself up for success.

The belief that you can accomplish – or not accomplish something is critical to the results.

If you think you can or cannot do it, either way you are correct.

Henry Ford

When you understand and fully identify and accept that you are capable of great things, you create great things. You begin to think in the way of possibilities and overcoming obstacles. This doesn’t mean the obstacles don’t show up, they are simply not show stoppers anymore because you have belief that it is possible for you to achieve your desire.

You seek your way around an obstacle when you believe there must be a way. You will look for other possibilities to overcome this obstacle. You will become curious to figure out what this obstacle is trying to tell you, you will assume there is a reason for it and the reason is not to stop you but to tell you something. The biggest gift of your new belief system is the power of perspective – it will change when you look for a message.

Belief is your superpower.

Cheerleaders always ramp up with positive “you can do it” type cheers when the odds are down and against their team. This is not to be cruel, it is to feed the team and the spectators the belief that what they are seeking is possible. Can you imagine a cheerleading squad coming out in the Patriot’s 4th quarter of the Super Bowl saying, “Too bad, so sad, you tried, let’s go home” as a cheer? Heck no! And we do know how that amazing game ended…

When you have belief that you can accomplish what you desire, you are unstoppable. If you don’t have belief, but really want to make your dream come true, find someone who believes in you and borrow their belief until yours comes along!

There have been many times when I have seen incredible potential in a client that they have not seen in themselves. It is at this point I ask them to trust me, that I know it is within them. It doesn’t take long before a few items on their path to success get crossed off and they begin to see what I see. It is ok to borrow someone’s belief in you until you strengthen the muscle within you and begin to feel the possibility.

So think about what you believe is possible for yourself. Then question those beliefs and challenge if they are truly as big and bold as what is truly possible for you.

I do believe if you can dream something, you can achieve it. I also am a firm believer that you are not given a dream you cannot achieve. So come on, what are you waiting for?

I’ve got extra belief to spare if you decide you need a hand getting started. I believe in your dreams, do you?

-E

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Planting Seeds

When my kids were growing up I was always telling them to be careful what they told themselves. I was learning the power our thoughts and words have over our bodies and actions.  I didn’t learn this as a child and I wanted to provide them an awareness early on.

There were those times when they would say something derogatory to themselves in frustration and I would get on them about it. They would often brush me off and do the “yah, I know, my brain is listening to me” response thing that teenagers do. I do know that they truly heard me though there was never a chance they would have told me.

Your Brain Is Not That Smart

The power of our words is so very important to understand. Those spoken and even those, especially those, thought and left to play on repeat in our minds. The trouble here is that your brain doesn’t verify these thoughts, it just accepts them as truth.  These are the seeds we are planting each day.

When I begin to work with clients, along the road we often come to a point where it’s obvious there are stories they are telling themselves that are holding them back from what they want. Most times people are not even conscious of this, although sometimes they are, but they haven’t addressed it. It is at this time we discuss writing some new stories – planting some new seeds to cultivate.

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What Will You Plant?

What amazes me is how many people have so much trouble with the exercises for this. When I work with clients and we talk about how important self-talk is and there is never any doubt how important it is. I then send them off to notice something wonderful about themselves each day and they come back with shrugged shoulders saying they just had a really hard time with it.

It’s so interesting the resistance many of us have to say nice things to ourselves. So why when it comes to recognizing and celebrating positive things about ourselves do we have such struggle?

There has been so much engrained in us not to be boastful or brag. I understand not encouraging arrogance, but when did that turn into not appreciating or acknowledging anything nice and good about ourselves?

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So Now What?

I say that it is high time to put an end to this! I am telling you, that it is not only ok, but necessary to acknowledge your greatness. If you don’t recognize how fabulous you are, how on earth with you share it with others?

Think of all you can accomplish when you stop planting the seeds of doubt or negativity! When you think you are capable of doing things, you just do them; you don’t question, or explain why you can’t do them, you just do them. Once you learn to drive a car you don’t stand at the door with key in hand and wonder, you just get in and drive.

Your Mission If You Choose To Accept It

So for one week, I encourage you to listen to the stories, excuses or “not nice” things you tell yourself. Notice if you are always making self-deprecating remarks to make people laugh or to hide your insecurities. Pay attention to the thoughts you allow to move about unspoken in your head or out loud.

Then STOP!

For the following week (and forever more), every time you notice yourself doing one of the behaviors above, stop and turn it around. This is not as easy as it sounds, but I can guarantee you it will be worth the effort. If you are not sure you can do something, don’t say you can’t, just analyze if you would like to, find someone to help you accomplish it and give yourself a positive nudge and DO it!

If you find yourself consistently telling yourself negative things, stop and find something positive you can say. If you don’t like your hair today, instead of looking in the mirror and downing yourself, notice your eyes or your smile and how beautiful they are. Maybe your hair is just not cooperating today, so just look for what is. I’m not trying to Pollyanna you, just refocus on what is positive and the negatives become less important.

I hope you will take on this challenge because the seeds you plant each day are directly related to the bounty you will harvest. No one is served by you planting mean, doubtful or condescending seeds, especially not you!

I’d love to hear your experiences with this exercise. It is Spring and there is no better time to turnover the soil and plant a fresh garden.

-E

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The One Question To Start Your Day

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

IMG_9953I’ve been speaking with a number of people lately who have been in one stage or another of overwhelm. You know the feeling when you just don’t know which way is up or which direction you need to even point yourself. This can be exhausting and you’re not even moving!

Imperfect Action

In the space of personal development there is a lot of talk about taking imperfect action as a response to this “feeling stuck” or overwhelm. I am not sure how you are supposed to know if it is perfect or imperfect action until you take it. So this advice is rather unhelpful in my opinion.

In the case of my clients I use my life experiences to give insight to what worked for me. This is not scientific or a certified process developed by some guru. This is just my simple practice that I have used when I am feeling overwhelmed or unsure. It has gotten me through some pretty tough times and brought me to where I am today. I continue to use this method as I continue to dream big and have NO idea how I’m going to make these dreams come true, but I know that I must pursue them. It has become a habit and a way to check in and stay present in the midst of all I aspire to create.

The Process

I take a few moments, usually in bed at the time I wake up and I just lay there with my hands extended and open, my eyes closed and just revel in that perfect moment. I often use this time to think about my gratitude, simply for waking up (a gift we often take for granted) and for whomever might be next to me (these days it’s my dog) or in my world at the moment who brings me energy and joy.

After gratitude comes my talk with the Universe or God or whomever you talk to when you are in your space and simply ask, “What is the next step?” I don’t ask how I’m ever going to do what I’m wanting to do. I don’t ask for the full picture or to see the whole staircase or the money, energy or capability to take the next step, I simply ask to know what is the next step.

Why it works for me

I don’t know if I developed the process because I just couldn’t handle looking at all the steps or more likely because there was so much to do I just had to look at the one next step because that was all I could manage at the moment. I knew I needed to keep moving but wasn’t sure what the next move was and staying where I stood was not an acceptable option. I had to find a way to clear the overwhelm to be able to begin to move.

Here is the deal, you might see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s damn dark where you stand today. Truly you can only take the next step, you can’t take the 3rd step in front of you, only the next step, so ask what that is. You might surprise yourself and find, as I have, that over the course of time this simple process takes you exactly where you are meant to be and you didn’t even notice how far you had gone.

Why it will work for you

Simply by taking the next step you continue to move. By asking each day what the step is for you today, it gives you the possibility to course-correct if necessary. This process provides you focus on today. It helps you reduce anxiety about step number 45 because day 45 will come and you’ll deal with that step then. Today your only need is to know what you need to do today and then do it, knowing that you get another chance tomorrow.

Keeping your mind on your overall goals, but focusing your attention on this moment, this day allows the actions you take to be exactly perfect for today. You will learn something by what you do today and it will benefit you along the journey.

So tomorrow morning when you wake up, instead of going through your “to do” list in your mind and trying to figure out how you’ll get everything accomplished, and anything else that comes to your mind upon opening your eyes I ask you to pause. Take the first few moments of the day and give thanks and gratitude for all that you have and quietly ask, “What is the next step for me to take today?”

To the enjoyment of your success and the journey that brings you there.

-E

Can We Have A United Team?

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Have you ever watched a group of six year olds playing soccer? It looks like a flock of birds in the sky; you know the ones, where it looks like a swarm and they seem to move in perfect unison. The entire group dives left then soars right all together in flight.

When birds do it, it looks almost poetic, when kids do it at a soccer game, it looks comical, when adults do it…

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Field of Dreams?

When I look lately at what is happening in the world around me I feel like I’m watching a field full of soccer games played by multiple teams. In each separate game all the children are chasing the ball regardless of their position, on the sidelines there are coaches shouting directions, and all sorts of commentary from the observers both celebratory and derogatory.

We have plenty of players, plenty of coaches and people with opinions on each side of every game but there is not much progress. Sure there is a lot of running around chasing something and observers getting excited about if those chasing the ball are right or wrong in doing so. We have noise, emotion and commotion, but is anyone making a score?

What Position Do You Play?

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So here is what I am wondering. Where do you sit on this field? No matter what your opinion, there is certainly something that you can do that is helpful. Something you can do that will help with education, skill development and ultimately create a better game by improving the players’ understanding of their positions. Maybe it even starts with understanding what position you want to play in the game.

I believe what has been forgotten in this mayhem that is today’s news frenzy is that we all have roles in which we excel. If we each play our roles that speak to our best skills then regardless of the score, there is a well-played game. When games are played well and everyone understands how their role makes an impact we have field of players who respect each other and the game. When the players show respect for their opponent it translates to the coaches and the spectators. It is from this we can all learn and grow and develop into better teams.

United in Civility

I understand we are all concerned about the issues today, so let’s start there. I believe divisiveness is beginning to tear apart this great, united nation and I believe we will all lose if that happens.

I long for the days where there is no name calling in the schoolyard and we each begin to listen to our neighbors again. Stop unfriending and turning away from the differences between us and begin to ask what does our neighbor want and what can we begin to agree on.

When we start coming together again, we can begin to move into the world we all want to live in. No one wants to be called names, no one wants to feel dumb for their opinions and we don’t create the world we want by yelling at each other.

Can You Hear Anything Through The Din?

Getting back to the soccer game – you know on the sidelines everyone is yelling out commands. You also know, none of the kids on the field can hear or are listening for the commands. And then there is this one kid standing right by the net, waiting for someone to pass the ball because they are in perfect scoring position but….

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Where to Start

So I ask you to take a moment to take stock of the position you are in. I encourage you to take a couple of issues that are near and dear to you and really get clear on what it is that you do want to happen. Speak to those issues and maybe reach out to someone that doesn’t have the exact same view and listen. Don’t judge, qualify or argue, just listen for any possible way that you and they have a common desire. I challenge you to find the humanity in the cause and begin to develop solutions and dialog that is constructive towards the world we all want to live in.

imagesI believe that for the values of this country to remain in vision we, as a nation of people, need to constructively identify what has to be done to keep the country one that stands for all it has always stood for. In order for impact to be made on a meaningful level we need to continue to do positive actions that speak to our skills, to be respectful to our opposition so that we can find the best values of this country and move them forward as a united team.  Isn’t this at least worth a try?

I welcome any comments or feedback, I understand this is an emotionally charged topic, but I do truly value all opinions. I respectfully request no name calling or finger pointing.

The Super Bowl of Life

So you like football or you don’t, I couldn’t help but notice all the life lessons playing out before me in this year’s NFL Super Bowl.

The Brady Disclaimer 

I will preface this post with the fact that I’m a Boston native and by that very nature my DNA has been programed from birth for the New England/Boston sports teams. Please also note, that I am of a “certain age” and so over the years, this birthright has caused as much heartbreak as it has caused jubilation.

fullsizeoutput_23bdIn Case You Were Watching Football

What I couldn’t help but take in during this football game were all the life lessons we were watching being played out on the gridiron. I’m assuming most of you were actually watching a football game so I will identify what I was seeing.

The First Half

This game started and much to my surprise the Falcons dominated in both defense and offense. The rate of turnovers and quarterback sacks on the Patriots were incredible. As each play was executed I could see the confidence building with the Falcons. What was interesting to me was that although I saw frustration on the Patriot’s faces, I never saw defeat in their body language.

I am not an expert, but I have seen teams, or fighters, enter into a playing field or ring and you can just see in their demeanor that they’ve already been defeated before the match even begins. The Patriot’s posture didn’t change and the mood appeared to stay focused as play after play went on.

  • This was a reminder that mindset is EVERYTHING!!

By the end of the first half, the statistics were flying around about how no team had ever come back from this big of a deficit.   The commentators were remarking as if the game was a foregone conclusion.

Have you ever had someone count you out and you weren’t finished playing? I have and boy it didn’t feel good!  It ain’t over until it’s over.

The Epic Second Half

As the players returned to the field there was no particular gain in the third quarter for the Patriots, however there was no substantial gain for the Falcons either. The Patriots did however begin to get some footing at that point. Although they were not making big points, they were not losing as much ground and they figured out how to begin to turn the momentum.

  • Sometimes in life, it takes a bit of energy to simply stop the slide before generating enough traction to start making gains.

The fourth quarter leaned heavily on simply seeking every opportunity and being alert and aware of each moment. One chance, one fumble, one catch might make the difference between success and defeat.

  • Consistent small plays were perfect strategy versus the risky grand play and each small gain was celebrated.

What was also a great lesson was the faith they had in their staff and plan. The coaches and all the behind the scenes people worked tirelessly to develop a plan in which the team relied and put their faith. On game day the only thing left for them to do was to follow the plan.

“Do Your Job” is their motto and it is not as harsh as it sounds, rather a very practical approach to life. I am now using this often in my life to remind myself where I fit in any situation and to do what I do to the best of my ability understanding and trusting that the other pieces to this puzzle will do theirs and it will work.

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And The Winner Is…

As the game concluded in a remarkable unprecedented overtime bid, the winner was declared. As microphones were placed in front of owner, head coach and star quarterback each pointed to the efforts of the whole. Not one acknowledged that they were the hero because it is clear the best victories are indeed shared.

  • Not one of us is victorious without the assistance, dedication and sacrifice of others combined with our own.

Amazing how this one little game (OK, it was a BIG game) could pack so much life lessons. What can you take from this to put another W on your scorecard?

Finding your Inner Compass

I remember the day that it all hit me – I really don’t want to do this. It wasn’t until that moment that I could find my clarity. It was in the moment I figured out what I really, viscerally, didn’t want to do, that I could identify better what I did want to do.

It all started when I decided to hire a life coach for myself. I had never done anything quite like this before. Sure I had been to counselors or therapists before at various times in my life, but I didn’t feel like I needed therapy, just help with direction of what did I want to do next in my life.

I was about 40 years old at the time and had raised my children, created a good career, not one that I loved, but I thought, who needs to love what they do? I was good at it and that felt good and it paid well, so it was really good enough. However, good enough was no longer how I wanted to live my life.

I wanted the life I saw Richard Branson living. I wanted to be in love with my job and career as much as he was. I wanted time and space to be able to travel and do the inspired things that made me come alive. I wanted to give my energy to those causes that I felt deeply connected to.

The Flail Before The Fail

So I began to flail – I tried all sorts of ways to make my career more of what I thought I wanted. I created groups, I began speaking at conferences and I found that I was no more happy then I was originally and I realized I was thoroughly stuck!

It was at this point I decided to hire my own life coach to help me figure out how to make my career more fulfilling. It turned out through a couple sessions of chatting and running various tests that my personality and desires did not match what I was doing. No wonder why I could not find a way to make it better! But then where do I go from here?

 

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Ahhh, Direction

After a few more sessions we worked out a direction for me and I must admit I was pretty excited. We developed a plan and a path but the more steps I took, the less excited I became – was this normal? My sessions with my coach ended and I kept moving forward because this was the path my coach and I had decided I should take to get to where I ultimately wanted to end up.

My lack of excitement soon turned to procrastination, then to dread then to pure avoidance of any of the steps on the identified path. In one moment of complete clarity sitting in front of a stack of unopened mail related to my chosen path it hit me.

I Don’t Want To Take This Path!

I don’t wanna take this path, I don’t have to and I’m not gonna! The wash of relief came over me. I just couldn’t go through with the path laid out by me and my coach. I didn’t get any clarity at that moment of how I was going to get to where I wanted, but I sure knew how I wasn’t going to get there and it felt wonderful!

When I took a moment to look at my behaviors, it was completely clear that the path was completely out of alignment with what I truly wanted. The end goal was right on the money, but the path was way off.

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Gut Check

When I thought about the career move I wanted to make I was still excited. When I thought about how to get there I was unsure, but I just felt like I would figure it out because the goal just felt so right for me.

This was a new discovery for me that once I recognized this strong procrastination I was creating, I actually felt I was off balance. Once I recognized the off balance feeling, I could easily identify when that feeling went away and therefore what felt right.

 

I Know This Isn’t It!

I think this takes some time to develop, but it might be more present in your life already than you think. Right now you’re probably reading this article identifying with some part of the story. You know that nagging feeling that says, “I’m not sure what is right, but this isn’t it!” You’ve had those moments when you were not sure how you were going to do something but you just knew you had to move forward on it. Some people call those hunches, intuition, or gut feelings – but whatever you call them, they are there to be heard.

Some Ideas For You

I encourage you to take a moment to review anything you procrastinate. Take a moment to think about why you procrastinate this item. There are many reasons for such a behavior, but this is a good marker and it was a key marker for me.

Another idea you might consider is to review the feelings you have around various decisions you are making. Take some time to journal or meditate or do something active with this decision in mind and listen to where your mind goes, to your body’s reaction, your emotional response. I think you might surprise yourself at the answers that are trying to reveal themselves.

I truly believe we all know what is in alignment for us however, most of us have been taught to ignore what we’re feeling and move forward on our path. Ever see a young child fall down and begin crying? The parental reflex  response is “brush it off, keep going.” Although there might be nothing wrong with that approach sometimes, other times it is worth exploring while you’re down if a different option is better. Sometimes you find your compass while you’re telling yourself to get back up.

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The Key To The Law of Attraction

 

The idea that you can OM your way into success or having the life you want is misleading and causing confusion and disappointment.  There is a huge amount of people that have been misdirected into believing having what they want is as easy as simply picturing what they desire.  This misunderstanding has led some people to believe the Law of Attraction is a hoax and it doesn’t work.

Let me tell you why it hasn’t worked.  The Law of Attraction is largely misunderstood.

How the Law of Action really works

There are several steps to the Law of Attraction.  This is not something that you can do in a few minute of meditation each day.  It requires several steps to manifest what you want.

Thought

Before anything comes into existence, it has to start in the mind with an idea. Everything we do, have or become starts with a thought much like a building, it always starts with drawing out what you wish to build.  You take your desire and plan what it will look like, how it will function and feel and how it will be utilized.  By thinking through the details you create first in the mind or on paper (visualization) then bring it forth into reality.

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This is often where the law of attraction stops…or at least many people believe it stops.  Think about your dream or goal and it will happen; that’s the idea.  That is where the epic fail comes in.  Some things may indeed happen this way, but very few. There is so much more to this process.

Mindset

Have you ever uttered an affirmation and thought – yah, right!  Who am I kidding?  Or had a dream or desire and thought, well, I’m sure that would work for someone but probably not me.  This is the next and critical step.

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You cannot receive what you don’t believe you can have or achieve.  If you believe you are not worthy enough, good enough or capable enough no omming in the world will bring what you desire to you.  Additionally, if what you want is something that you believe you should not want or have you will sabotage your own efforts.  Anything that causes you to believe something is not possible for you for whatever the reason is a limiting belief and must be addressed. Limiting beliefs must be overcome first, otherwise you are wasting time and defeating your own efforts.

Ignition

Once you have washed away the limiting beliefs and you have your vision that you wish to manifest, the final step is action.  Minute or massive, perfect or imperfect action must be taken.  It doesn’t matter if the action you take in the direction of your dreams is exactly correct, but you must do something besides just think about it!  You simply need to start and much like a GPS system the steps you take will redirect or recalculate along the way.

IMG_0575If you sit in a car, have a destination in mind, program your GPS but never put the car in drive you are going nowhere fast!  You can imagine the restaurant you wish to go to, you can almost taste the food, you can hear the atmosphere you can desire this with all your heart but you cannot get there until you put the car in drive!  Once the car is in drive you can set out in the wrong direction or make a wrong turn on your way but when you do that the GPS will say…”Make a U-turn when possible” or redirect you with a different route to your desired destination.  This is the Law of Action and the sign of a great GPS!

Blastoff

Your dreams are the destination, your visualization the GPS and what actions you take are the force that drives you to your destination.

One of these steps without the other is going to produce limited or incomplete results if anything at all.  Once you put them all together you have the key!  Dreams are realized when clear visualization meets focused action.

Now that you have the keys, put your motor in drive and go get those dreams!

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