Most of my life I’ve danced to the beat of a different drum. In the beginning I didn’t realize that not everyone heard the same music I did. As I began to get older more people questioned my dance and at times it felt like everyone had an opinion about my dance.
After a while it became supremely evident that everyone did NOT hear the same music I did. To many it seemed as though I was just recklessly breaking norms. At first I cared, then I just felt bad.
I felt like there was something wrong with me for not dancing like everyone else did. At points in my life I even tried to learn their moves and got good at mimicking the dance I saw others doing.
In those years many thought I was doing great and I got less comments about how my dancing was off but for me it was the most confusing time of my life. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something just wasn’t right, and again I felt bad and like there was something wrong with me.
I was dancing in complete dissonance to the music playing inside my head. I had forced myself to ignore or drown out my own music so I could keep beat to the music everyone else seemingly heard.
Do you know how hard it is to dance to music you can’t hear?
At some point I gave up. I stopped dancing altogether and slowly in moments when I got really quiet, my own music returned. Softly at first and as I began to celebrate it, it became a full out symphony!
I finally allowed myself to be who I am and to dance again to my own music. First I danced behind closed doors to make sure no one could see my flawed dance moves. Then as I found the joy again, I danced in public view.
I began to trust my dance and appreciate it even if others did not. I allowed the music I heard to move me and I enjoyed the dance so much I began to “dance as if no one was watching.”
This doesn’t mean that my dance suddenly began making sense to others. Nor does it mean that others didn’t have something to say about it or could even celebrate it because it looked so different.
What it does mean is that today I am able to be in harmony with my own music. I feel right even if I look wrong to others. And while others may still not understand my dance, they can’t help but see it brings me joy.
One of the most precious freedoms of this human experience is to dance to the music you hear. The music was created for you and no one else has to understand it for you to be able to move to it.
We are all here to live our own journey and the fact mine doesn’t look like yours is not better or worse. I know I can’t hear the music you are dancing to so maybe I won’t understand your dance or maybe you’re dance doesn’t make sense to me.
Please dance anyway. You might even find there are others that will dance with you!