About belizebeth

A person who has lived a challenged life to help you manage the transitions in your life.

Living in the First Kiss Moment

images

Your heart races a bit, your palms get sweaty and the promise of what might be is before you and you lean in.

This is what I call living in the first kiss moment.

These are the moments that hold a feelings of exhilaration and possibility together with the reasonable expectation that what is to happen is going to be great.

These moments of possibility are what gives life that spark. It is the feeling of stepping out of your comfort zone (or what I call the familiar zone) into a new space that you are not entirely certain of but are excited to be because it feels right.

This is the feeling that comes by living an inspired life. When you feel driven by purpose and inspired by the possibilities in front of you even if their outcome is uncertain.

So how do we create more of these moments in our lives?

First, take some time to think deeply about what stirs you. Is there something you do that you just can’t imagine not doing on a regular basis? Something that may come as second nature to you, but is a gift to someone else that doesn’t possess the same talent or skill?

Or think about what you are doing when time doesn’t exist or it flies by. Think about what just brings a smile to your face or heart when you think about it or are doing it. That is one of your “things” and there may be many, that’s ok!

Secondly, I encourage you to take a deep look at your values. In today’s society values can be subject to becoming hijacked without even noticing. One day you may find that you are doing things out of habit or societal norms.

If you take a step back and think about how you’re spending your time and energy you might realize it doesn’t match with your values at all! When you drift away from your values, what is important fails to receive the attention you feel it deserves and the result is usually not good. So take stock of your time and energy and how it is being spent and make some decisions about what makes you feel good.

Once you have these pieces together you know what you need to add into your life in bigger proportions. You need not sell all your belongings and move to the beach, or maybe you can, but this doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing way of living. Just take the time to find your bliss and find ways to put more of these opportunities and occurrences into your days.

In other words, lean in and take a step in the direction of where your passion and your values collide and enjoy!

If you are looking for more direction or in-person assistance with this process, I hope you will join me in one of the workshops I’ll be offering as I travel around the globe in 2018.

E&A LYIL

In March, fellow coach Amy White and I are kicking off the first US date in Northern California with our seminar called Living Your Inspired Life. I hope you will join us for a full day workshop which will highlight the tools and resources already within you to discover and begin to live your life with many more first kiss moments. For more information and to purchase your ticket – see here.

Advertisements

Say No To Say Yes

imagesAs we kick off the new year it is a time of excitement for many. There is the promise of fresh starts and new beginnings. The new year marks a starting line for many in pursuit of something they desire.

One of the biggest dilemmas in this time of year is the illusion of the fresh slate. The promise of the new year sometimes is so exciting that we want to target everything we want right away and we feel inspired to say yes to every opportunity that comes our way!

The dilemma is that the slate is not blank to start. Just because it is a new year does not mean there is no continuation of things from the earlier year.

You know I am always going to advocate that you set your sites on all that you want, so how do we fit it all in and not set ourselves up for failure or feel overwhelmed?

images

How do we live a life of abundance in a space where time is limited?

I know you might think it is impossible to make more time, however I will explain how I’ve been able to change my FOMO (fear of missing out) to a life of abundance all by managing time.

I have many things going on in my life at any give time and yet I feel less pressured about time than I ever have before. This is accomplished by conscious planning and conscious yessing.

Say No to say Yes

I take careful consideration before saying yes to adding anything onto my plate or calendar. I will say this is still a work in progress and I do sometimes say yes and realize it was not the best decision and you will likely do the same, but I am miles ahead of where I used to be.

When I had small children I had to consider them in virtually every decision I made in my life. Anything I chose to add to my schedule or did in my life including where to live or work was “checked” against if it was good for my family, or if it benefited them, or even as small as if I had childcare for them before I said yes. My children and my family were my touchstone.

My children are now grown and no longer a factor in my decision making, so I needed to determine a new touchstone. At first I found myself saying yes to almost everything because I had nothing holding me back – boy was that a mistake!

GWMHzsXTFeT8V2u16D2l_Hero ImageValue Touchstone

I finally decided that I would clearly define my values and goals and begin to use those as criteria to determine what I say yes to and this has worked fabulously. So when I am approached to take on a leadership role in a volunteer organization, or when I have an inquiry to participate in an event it is easy for me to determine if it fits my values or goals and accept or decline with ease and no guilt.

Because I understand my time and energy capabilities, I know I have limitations on how much I can comfortably fit in one day. If I say yes to something only for the sake of not saying no to someone (we all do it from time to time) it may require me to say no to something I value very highly in my world.

When broken down in this way, I find it is an easier decision to make and I am able to easily review that I am not willing to compromise on my values to avoid declining an event or activity.

Besides, who says if I say no anyone will feel badly anyway? Deciding other people’s reactions to our decisions before we even deliver them are sometimes only a story we tell ourselves. Sometimes, the person to whom we decline an invite or an opportunity may very well be relieved or ok with the situation and hopefully will be led to someone more suitable for the job.

Real Life Scenario

The part where it gets tricky for me is where two of my values come up against each other. This happened very recently in a situation where I had just had several visitors to my home in Panama which I love however it limited the amount of time I could serve clients and work on my business.

Having friends and family visit is one of my greatest joys and part of my values for living this lifestyle, however, when I have back to back visits it leaves working on my business in a deficit. Making my business the best it can be and serving others is another of my values and priorities and at this time my business still needs a substantial amount of time to be at the level I wish it to be and beyond.

After several back-to-back visits I had a friend contact me to come down to visit and I had to postpone her visit. It is at these times, when two of my major values come into conflict that I must make a decision that is less easy. In this case I based my decision on the fact that I did not feel I could be fully present with her because I would be distracted by work I felt was not being done. Another value for me is to be fully present when I am with others.

By being more conscious of only saying yes to things that fit within my values I feel as though I have enough time to fit in almost all the things I want. When I fill my days with as many things that are connected to my values and joy I feel more abundant. I have begun to feel that I have all the time I need to fill my days with things that bring me joy and therefore make me more joyful for others.

Calendar_0

If you are not feeling abundant or are feeling like there is just not enough time to do everything, I encourage you to see what you are filling your days with. I also encourage you to look at your calendar for the week and see if there are at least three things you might be able to take off it this week and replace with something that brings you joy. Anything on your calendar that is not mandatory that you have mixed feelings about can be evaluated to see if it is something worthy of your yes.

 

Choose You

Choosing you is the most unselfish act you can ever do.

By choosing to be unapologetically authentic and doing that which is in your heart and those things that serve you, you in turn serve all those around you.

When you see someone who is living in step with their authenticity they have an ease about themselves. They have a glow and presence that exudes from them which gives off a sense of peace as they move through life.

When someone walks truly in their way based on their needs and desires it is the equivalent of a seed germinating. A seed needs soil, sun and water to grow, however what that seed is designed to be was determined long before it broke its shell casing.   And although environment might shape the size or height of the plant, it cannot change what the seed was designed to be.

IMG_7790

A daisy seed can never germinate into a rose.

I encourage you to follow your ideas, your thoughts and your desires.   I propose that instead of questioning if what you are doing is right or if anyone will like it you pursue it with the possibility that it simply must be because it is what you desire. Trust your desires are yours to follow like the seed trusts its nature to seek the sun.

I am not saying that living in this way is as easy as it sounds or that it will be an easy road just because it is a true path. In my experience it does have its difficulties and challenges.

I have found while following my path I need to work hard at making sure those I care about don’t feel forgotten or abandoned because my path takes me away from their daily lives. I have needed to address pain I can sometimes cause because my path is different that others may desire.

On the other hand, I have been told from many that by following what I feel is my true path I inspire others to seek out their own. I have been told that my life example has opened up what possibilities exist in someone else’s life.

When we grow into what we are designed to be by simply cultivating the seed that we are, we become part of the harmony of those around us.  When we play the one instrument we were given we compliment others and become a symphony with others living authentically and we provide the music for those seeking to join the orchestra of life.

I believe we all know what we want to do deep down inside but most of us have spent years talking ourselves out of it, or having others talk ourselves out of our ideas.

For the next few weeks, I encourage you to keep a little notebook with you to capture ideas or thoughts that float through your mind. When you meditate, through a question out to yourself to ponder in your stillness and see what comes from it.

Who you are is unique and the biggest gift you can share with those around you is to become that which you were designed to be. So this holiday season, let’s start with giving ourselves the gift of authenticity.

images

 

Gratitude In Practice

IMG_0798The practice of gratitude gets a lot of publicity each November in the US. The tradition of gathering together in community and sharing harvest was the custom we have since derived this tradition around giving thanks each year.  The very inception of the practice was an act of sharing abundance.

In this season of heightened awareness, I see people begin to post their 30 days of gratitude, which is always sweet, but somehow it often seems to be missing something for me. This practice feels incomplete to me.

As always, not being one to leave something untouched I took some time to uncover what about this month of statements of gratefulness left to be desired in my opinion. I stumbled upon the same issue I have with the “law of attraction.”

For those that know me, and know me well, it probably comes as no surprise to you that I find the need to add action in this practice. The whole idea of simply speaking or writing words of gratitude either privately or publicly falls flat for me without any action tied to it.

So where am I going with this you ask?

I think the practice of gratitude or giving thanks involves more than words. I think if someone or something has made such a difference in your life as to merit gratitude there must be something you could pay forward from it.

So in practice, I thought about my own gratitude and took an example from my own life. I am thoroughly grateful for my health and my ability to gather in community to exercise. The running groups, boot camps and fitness groups I have connected with over the years have made the difference to me in my attendance, enthusiasm and ultimately my overall fitness.

I could be privately grateful, I could even acknowledge them to my social media, directly to the organizers or even write a note of thanks or send them a gift to let them know how much their products, tools and organizations have helped me. This would feel good to me and if it was not a private silent gratitude, I’m sure it would feel good to them as well.

However…

I haven’t done this, I have decided to pay my gratitude forward thus adding a ring to the ripple effect that was begun with me. I began a fitness group in my new community. I created a space for people to join together to become the same type of support that brought me through the beginning stages of creating a fitness habit.

IMG_3475

Do you see how the latter effort adds giving to the thanks? This perpetuates the goodness I’ve experienced in my life and offers it to others. The ability to recognize the importance of something in your life and to translate that to share it with others is the highest form of gratitude I can think of.

Bringing this all forward, giving thanks for something is simply the first step, the follow up to this is to determine what actions created this in your life and what

action of gratitude or appreciation could bring this same joy I am feeling to another. To be grateful for your health is one thing, and to offer this great gift to another is the opportunity to expand the beauty.

Being grateful for something is not the end game, it is simply the beginning of the process. Recognizing something, especially the small things, is the first step to identifying its importance in your life.

Gratitude without action seems to me like a missed opportunity. For me it is important to express in a meaningful way my gratitude to a particular person in a way that identifies their importance in my world. To then share my gratitude in a tangible way instead of a silent prayer in solitude brings life and energy to that which I adore having in my life.

I encourage you to think about those things for which you are grateful during this month. Once you have your gratefulness in mind, think about how you might be able to share or create these experiences, feelings or things in someone else’s life.

The cycle of gratitude begins with acknowledgement and is amplified by sharing the gift.

My gift to you this month is this practice of sharing your gratitude with others.

-E

Start Before You’re Ready

What are you waiting for?

I want to let you in on a secret of mine. You will never be exactly ready to do whatever it is you are thinking of doing but are afraid to do.

Whether you want to start a business, ask out the cute guy or girl, ask for a raise or move to a different country – whatever it is (and I can say, I’ve done all of the above) you may not ever be ready.

You know what I say to that? Do it anyway!

There are so many people I work with or just come into daily contact with that are missing out on experiences because they are not quite ready.

Is there something you would like to do but are afraid? Awesome, this means you are one of the lucky ones that has found something of meaning for you! Now, make a plan and execute on a small, introductory scale. Try it out and see if it is what you wanted, hoped or expected. Once you take the first step, pivot, tweak or scrap altogether accordingly.

imagesThis is what I call living in the first kiss moment. You know that scary, exciting moment before you kiss someone for the first time? You don’t know if it will go well or not, you don’t know if you will enjoy it or not or how they will react to you. There is a whole bunch of fear and you are never quite ready for the kiss – you realize you ate garlic at dinner, your lipstick is not right, your shave is not close enough whatever the case may be – but you lean in anyway.

There is so much emotion and angst packed into a first step, but usually, there is a lot of information that comes out of that very first step. You figure out quite quickly if you want to take another step, you obtain feedback from receiving parties, you figure out minor adjustments right away.

By starting in a direction you will learn all sorts of things. You will discover if this is the way you really want to go or not, you will discover a bit about yourself, you will flex the muscle of trying something that scares you. You will begin to discover you are far more ready than you let yourself believe.

My request to you this month is to find that thing that you are putting off doing because you are not “ready” and do it anyway.

Here is the thing – I have spoken before about already being in a “no” state. The thing you want, you already don’t have so asking for it and not getting it doesn’t change anything, but if you do get it, it’s a win. Really you have nothing to lose since you never had it and only the possibility of “it” to gain.

So I encourage you to request that raise you deserve, ask out the cute guy or girl, move forward on creating that business and ask for that first kiss. Anything might happen, but I promise you that there is very little you can’t survive, and most often people find that they not only survive but thrive by continuing to live in the first kiss mindset.

Drop me a line (Elizabeth@ThriveThisDay.com) and let me about your first kiss experience!

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

imagesThere are many times in our lives that we are asked to compromise our desires for different options. We face this daily in different forms from situations in our relationships to the office and even to the smallest choices in our day.

Making compromises is a pure fact of life, as the Rolling Stones once poetically sang, “You can’t always get what you want”. Wouldn’t life be boring anyway if everything went exactly as we wished and we always got what we wanted?

The challenge becomes when compromise becomes a concession. It is one thing to accept less than you desire because the choice is not all that important to you or your needs, it is entirely different to limit yourself to accepting only what is available forgoing your needs or values.

A while back I was speaking to a friend about dating. I had been single for many years and was ready to make some time to get back into dating. When explaining what I was looking for, she mentioned a couple of men we both knew and I identified why each was not a good fit for me. She looked at me with a smile and said, “Your problem is you’re too picky, you’re going to have to make some compromises.”

As certain talks stay with me long after the conversations are over, this one took up temporary residence in my head and visited me several more times. I came to the conclusion that there is a difference between compromise and conceding.

This is as true for relationships, careers, material goods, it actually is something that we each deal with daily. There are certain things you compromise on, like what movie to watch on family night, where to go to dinner, if you will take a job that is not entirely what you want but has “most” of your desires.

There are things however that go beyond compromise or bending of your desires and end up not meeting your needs. The key is finding a middle ground or forfeiting something that is important. The important question becomes, how do you know when you are compromising or conceding?

This may seem like a silly question or one that shouldn’t need to be asked, but I have seen so many people that are so used to forgoing their needs that they no longer know the answer.

The first thing is to know what you need. If you aren’t clear about what you need in any given circumstance you set yourself up for making a concession. By knowing what you need you can easily spot situations or decisions where none of the options will be acceptable.

For example, if you are hungry and you need food but the only options available are foods you are allergic to so you just don’t eat; that would be a clear concession. However, if in the same circumstance you find yourself with your partner and you need food and would like Italian, but the only thing available is Mexican and your partner loves Mexican food, then choosing one style of food over another will simply be a compromise.

Knowing your values is another key factor. A choice that goes against your value system is never a compromise and is a clear sign of concession.

I used to work for a company and made good money but when I requested time off to see my family back home I was told I couldn’t go, it wasn’t in the best interest of the company. My value system revolves around connection and my family is an important part of that, not money; the moment I was denied the time to see them I realized this was a concession.

I choose connection over money because that is where my values lie. Making money is truly important, but the number in my bank account is far less important to me than being with my family if they need me. Values are a strong governing principle and do not have room for being cast aside for any reason.

If you find yourself willing to compromise your values, I suggest you reevaluate if that particular value still resonates with you. If the answer is yes, then my experience is that any compromises is a concession, or dangerously close to one.

I encourage you to think about the choices you make daily and give them a values test. Making the occasional compromise is generous and kind, making it a habit boarders on overlooking your own needs. Pay attention when making even the smallest decisions and be honest with yourself about this topic and it will prove to be a nicer gift to both yourself and those around you when you do compromise.

-E

Becoming Limitless

**Warning this process can become addictive**

Fear is paralyzing at times. It causes us to remain in a place not necessarily of comfort but of familiarity. The old statement “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”

However fear stifles growth if you let it. It shuts down the very essence of living because as the saying goes, “if you’re not living, you’re dying.” I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to be dying.

I have no desire to live a predictable life where outcomes and results are safe or guaranteed, so I live life in a manner that scares most people (mostly my poor father).  I move to places I’ve never been and don’t know anyone, I take risks like starting my own business and I dream big, like building an island retreat center.

I am constantly taking steps in the direction of my fear because although I’m not a thrill-seeker, I do like the feeling of overcoming my fear.  In the case of fear, the end justifies the means for me.

Most of what I do on a regular basis is something I hear others say they could “never do” – but I thoroughly disagree. I think everyone has the capacity to live the life I do however for some, it’s not what floats their boat, and for others they just haven’t mustered the courage to take the chance to try.

Here is the thing though. I did not wake up one day with the courage to do these “crazy” things and dream as big as I do. As a matter of fact, I was a child who was scared of the dark and had many fears that required an unimaginable amount of stuffed animals for comfort and a feeling of security while I was growing up.

I made little strides over time. My mother was not entirely gentle on pushing me through some of it, but it worked just the same. Sometimes the fear of your mother being mad is way bigger than whatever bogyman you think exists! Regardless of how, my mother was intent on raising me as a capable young woman and stretched me to do things I was afraid to do. Through the process I began to cultivate courage.

As I got older, I put myself into circumstances that were a bit difficult to say the least. I found that I was able to overcome incredible odds because I just had to. I learned that even if I thought something was not possible, I should try anyway.  Sometimes things turned out the way I hoped…and sometimes not, but I always learned something from the experience.

I found that my boundaries and limits were really not as clear as I thought. I continued to push them both figuratively and litterally. I started small and continued to expand as I had successes.

I can still remember the feeling of crossing the finish line of my first 5k race. Having been a two pack-a-day smoker for over ten years, this was not only an unthinkable achievement, but a goal I never would have even considered just years before.

Today I’m a marathoner.

IMG_4200

So this is where the warning comes in. I have found that once you start realizing that limits are self perceived, you may start looking for your next challenge. Each time I overcome a challenge or overtake fear, I think, well if I can do that, what else can I do?

Today I encourage you to take those baby steps to stretch your courage just a bit.  To work at something you feel might just be a bit out of reach for you.  You will be amazed at the feeling you get just by trying and as you build successes.

As you begin to expand your vision of what is possible for you, you may find yourself looking for the next big thing just out of reach, and the next, and the next. You get the point.

I’ll just remind you, you’ve been warned!

I can’t wait to hear where your newfound courage takes you!
-E