The Step Beyond Courage

Have you ever had that feeling, “uh oh, I’m in over my head”?

Living my lifestyle this is not a new thought for me, but this past week it was a more intense version of the same thought.

I just returned from a week that really challenged me. It challenged my ability to call out for what I needed, it challenged me to learn new skills, and most of all, it challenged me to stay when I wanted to run. I was challenged to my very core to be brave.

When I Don’t Run

It is in these times when I have to dig deep that I find the best parts of me. I learn so much about myself and my strengths and weaknesses and I often find a new voice.

When I am placed in a position to be brave I have made a decision that what I am facing is worth the challenge before me regardless of the outcome. It is the truest test of what is important to me and it calls on my spirit to support it.

This is where my spirit lives in the moments I need to call on my ability to be brave.  I believe this is true for others as well.

Size Doesn’t Matter

It doesn’t matter the size of the challenge, for some just getting out of bed to face the day is the bravest thing in the world in that moment. To me, being brave is the virtue of knowing that you are pushing yourself to do more and be more than you think is possible in the moment.

To go after something even when you are not sure you will succeed is a step beyond courage and moves into bravery where you must call on everything you have to accomplish your goal knowing it is not guaranteed. It has reminded me that those with illnesses, addictions or facing any kind of unknown outcome, the strength summoned to face each day and the challenges it brings is tremendously brave and I am in inspired by you.

Reminder

This week reminded me that I have so much more ability than I believed because I can call on my spirit and be brave when I am faced with the opportunity.

Because I had forgotten about this inner strength, I thought you might have too and I wanted to remind you that you are braver than you believe and stronger than you seem.

I encourage you to celebrate the ways you are brave today.

I see you being brave.

I know how strong you are.

It all matters.

You matter

-E

il_fullxfull.1900290627_frqw

Advertisements

Courageous Acts

IMG_8036

Sister: “What are you afraid of?”

Me: “umm, plummeting to my death!”

Sister: “You can do it, just jump, you saw me do it, I’m fine. You’ve got this!”

Encouraging words from my sister standing on the ground looking up two stories to me waiting on a platform to belay down.

I sat there listening and trying to get my courage up to jump. I coached myself, I listened to her coaching and in the end….

I unhooked my harness and traversed the course back to a platform I could walk down from.

My whole career these days is helping people make leaps! I help people do the scary things they are not quite sure they are ready for.

One of the best reasons to have a coach during these times is that – guess what? Sometimes you are not ready and it’s just not the right time.

IMG_8051

Having someone to encourage you and walk with you as you move through your process of collecting your thoughts, building your courage and thinking through your risks is the best gift you can give yourself.  Sometimes no matter how much courage you muster, the big leap is not right at this moment.

This doesn’t mean the big leap may not be right ever, it doesn’t mean that you can’t do other things that are smaller leaps that will prepare you for the big one or any combination of things.  What it does mean is that you get both the encouragement to stretch yourself beyond what you think is possible while still honoring exactly where you are at the moment.

This is a critical piece that doesn’t get talked about so I want to shed some light here.

When you arrive at a point where it is time for change and you begin the process you will come up against some challenges. Some of these you will plow right through and feel great about. Some will stop you in your tracks and make you question yourself, your capabilities, your sanity, etc.

This is how I work through these times because yes, even coaches get to these points and this ropes obstacle course just reminded me about the emotional part of what I do for a living and how I live my life in general.

IMG_8033

Remember what you have accomplished

First and foremost to even get to the point where you are thinking of taking a big leap deserves a celebration. Reflect on what you did to get to this point – it is highly likely you have pushed your comfort zone a bit already. Don’t discount that part – celebrate it!

For me, just to get to the second story platform getting ready (or not) to jump off meant that I had crossed all sorts of unstable rope bridges and taken a bunch of leaps that were pretty scary for me!  Even turning back and not belaying down meant I had to traverse more obstacles and challenges to get to a stable staircase to the ground. I was not choosing to walk away from challenge, simply choosing what challenge I felt capable of in that moment.

Be kind

It’s at these crossroads that we can be terribly tough on ourselves. We can be a big ole bully to ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t help me move forward, it simply makes me feel bad about honoring my feelings and my choice in the moment – that is not ok!

Originally my bully came out and I thought to myself – what kind of a coach are you? You tell people to make the leap all the time! You teach people move through their fears to push their comfort zone and here you are stuck!

I thought – well, if I jump and overcome everything I’m fearing I am a prime example of what I teach! This will be walking my talk and people need to see me doing this and hearing how courageous I am to feel that they too can do anything!

However, I also preach about living life for yourself and not to please others or meet anyone else’s expectations at your expense.

I then asked myself would replay this moment and feel regret. This ended up being a really important question for myself.

With this question moved into a much more gentle place and realized just how courageous it can be to walk away from the thing you are not sure you are ready to do. I thought of this decision as a strength equal to the decision to leap.  For me I saw no regret in not leaping…today. In the future I might come to another opportunity and feel more ready and I will welcome that, but I didn’t feel like I would regret this decision in this moment.

I also felt like if I dishonored myself by doing what I didn’t want to do and got myself hurt I would thoroughly regret not having listened to my “gut” to not jump.

These are important questions and processes to go through as you face new challenges. It is often very hard to determine intuition from indigestion –protecting yourself from harm vs. fear of doing the unknown (first kiss living).

Finding Your Courage 

So if you find yourself at a crossroads I encourage you to work through a process, here are a few questions I think my help:

            Am I doing this for myself or someone else?

            Will I regret doing or not doing this? And Why?

            Is this my intuition telling me don’t do it or am I letting fear or story keep me stuck?

Of course I must say, I also encourage you to have a coach to help you work through your process and help you listen to yourself, honor your stage and develop the skills and capabilities to build up to the leaps you desire.

I still have no regrets for not jumping and I believe I make as much of an impact helping people realize that sometimes it is not time to make a leap as I do helping people leap into incredible lives they have dreamed about.

IMG_8044

Max Bet Living

 

“Big money, c’mon big money!” my daughter chants, sharing my excitement as the number continue to increase on the slot machine I’m playing.

images

Then I remind her, this is the penny slots and we both laugh and continue with excitement.

Going after your dreams is a lot like gambling. There is risk involved, you may put a whole lot of time in a get nothing for it but a very expensive “free drink” or you may hit big. Sure there is skill involved, no doubt in that. There are many factors that go into success; here we’ll talk about only one today.

I go to the casino’s about once a year. I’m not a gambler and I’m not good at it really, but it’s fun for a few hours a year. My brother-in-law also goes on my annual visit and out of everyone on the trip, he’s usually the big winner.

When asked what his strategy is, he said, “I always play max bet.”

images

Now here is the story of my life, and maybe yours too. My “max bet” has never been able to be the max bet of the machine or other people. I have been limited in my bet because I was scared of losing. It could be a VERY short night for me if the gamble doesn’t pay off. The other thing is, a “max bet” is limited by what you have availabl

This is kind of how life works, and when I talk with people about following their heart or going after their dreams, I get the impression they are like me in a casino.

There are a few things though – 1, you can’t win if you don’t get in the game; 2 start where you are with what you have; and 3 courage is also part of the equation.

Now I’m not sending you to the casino, don’t get me wrong, but I am asking you, are you courageous enough to place your max bet?

I have been showing up to roles I was just a bit under qualified to do and pushing myself to meet the requirements. I have been putting myself in situations where I knew I couldn’t execute perfectly, but needed to try. I have taken risks with my life to sit at the tables of big rollers and I have learned so much by simply being at the table.

Little by little I have been able to move upwards, only by stepping up and showing up with all the possibility that might be and trying my hardest to not only stay in the game but to win.

My “max bet” continues to be able to increase, the tables I continue to request a seat at get bigger and the rewards are greater. Sometimes I lose the bet, it’s true, but what I learn from showing up at the table and playing my hand the best I can is a huge win in my book.

You see, I am running my business and I try things all the time. These are some of the things I bet on, I create programs, create events, write and speak. At times I get amazing responses, other times…not so much. So I learn what I can and move on to the next thing – that’s it. I’m not suggesting you bet the house, just put up a bet that says I believe in myself (to the max).

You see, in my opinion, the only way for me to win and hit that jackpot is to have the courage to keep showing up to play at whatever level I can. I don’t wait for perfection, I sure as hell don’t wait for an invitation or permission, I don’t allow self-talk to stop me, I move forward, see what works and adjust from there.

So whether you’re still at the penny slots or have advanced to the tables, I encourage you to place your max bet.

My money’s on you!  C’mon, big money, big money!

-E

images

Inspiration In Practice

I am always taken aback when someone tells me how inspiring my life is to them. It certainly makes my heart happy that I am helping others consider options that they may not have thought possible originally and I am so grateful for the reminder of the ripples my life generates.

I love to set big goals that most would shy away from because I have learned that there is as much ability to reach an amazing goal as an average one! I have also learned by stretching myself over the years that I am far more capable than I allow myself to believe most days.

I want to let you all in on the whole story though – I have the same fears, insecurities and self-doubts as everyone and I don’t always get it right.

Leaper

images

Look, you all have been in my world long enough to know I’m a leaper. I have had tremendous success and a few epic failures. I know there is more than one side to this coin I’ve chosen for my journey.

What fuels my courage?

The possibilities of each leap I take are my main inspiration.  I do a lot of research on the bigger leaps I take, but there is always an unknown. I plan for what I can and anticipate as much as possible, however I have learned that I cannot control the outcome.

I have  learned that control an illusion, and my grandest idea of the best outcome is limited by my experiences. There might be a far greater outcome possible if I get out of my own way and let it unfold!

Epic Failures

I have also had the benefit of failures of epic proportions both business and personal. The benefit to these experiences is that at my lowest point, I was never out. I got pretty low and close to the absolute bottom and I learned that if you jump in a body of water and hit the bottom, you can propel yourself to the top at a speed that shatters a slow swim from the middle!

Freediving-Freedive-Adventure-Photography-05

Plan B

My sister and I have a history of making plans that somehow might just not turn out exactly as we originally planned. My Type A sister has come a long way and now without any hesitation will say, “Oh well! What’s plan B?”

We call ourselves the Plan B Girls now because it never riles us and because we have a goal in mind and we are determined to figure out a way to get to what is important. We  have learned not to waste time with what could have been and go around what is inconvenient or unplanned to reach our end goal.  It’s brilliant!

When Contingency Planning Gets In The Way

I am a risk manager by trade (20+ years in the legal field will do this to you) however, there are times when you can sabotage your goal by planning on “what if’s”.

Sure I recognize that things won’t always go the way I am hoping and planning. When setting goals with others and myself, examining the full picture is critical to be prepared for what might come up.

Be careful though not to scare yourself right out of your dream!

Right before I left California I almost did this to myself. I was halfway done selling all my items and planning my move to another country and I woke up one morning in a complete panic!

What if my clients don’t follow me online?

What if I get to Panama and I don’t have any way to make money?

What will I do if I can’t run my business in Panama?

I worked myself up so much that I actually considered scrapping the entire move and going back to the workforce and getting another paralegal job (gasp!)

My Truth

It was in the moment that I was considering scrapping my business and getting a “real job” that the nausea set in. It was immediate and visceral and unable to be ignored.

The one thing I have learned is that my body speaks to me! In those moments of self-doubt and insecurity when I retreat to the familiar, my body says, “I don’t think so! You don’t belong there anymore, you’ve learned what you were supposed to – time to move on!”

Wow, I’m so glad for this!

Conviction

In the case of my Panama move, well, you all know how that turned out and I am happy to say, I’m having one of the most successful years in my business to date.

I had to do a couple of things to get here though:

  1. Decide that this was the path I wanted and it was indeed possible to succeed.
  2. Determine what markers I would use to signal a need to reassess my move.

Once those two items were in place, I was ready to move on with confidence that I would not hit total bottom and become homeless in Panama before reassessing my options. I further committed to making it work because I believed in my business and I’d seen my clients follow me when I moved from Boston, so I had proof it could happen.

Your Turn

So now I ask you, are you talking yourself out of what you really want to accomplish? Is there a possibility you are selling yourself short?  I am certain you are far more capable than you give yourself credit for!

I encourage you to set your real goals this year, you know the ones I’m talking about, the ones that maybe you’re even a little afraid to tell others about because maybe they’ll laugh or try to talk you out of them.

As I head forward into a new year in a new location, I am filled with gratitude for this audience with whom share my journey. It is you who continue to inspire me to see how high I might reach and if I in turn inspire you a bit to reach as well – then I am doubly grateful!

Let’s do this!

images

Give It Up!

I know that this is not what you are used to me saying.  I know I am usually the one pushing you forward and encouraging you to keep going.

Today, I’m changing my tune a bit to both keep you on your toes and to lighten your load.

Sometimes to keep moving forward you need to look over what is going on in your world.  So let’s examine a few things that might be worth giving up.

I hear all the time that in order to be successful it is a hard road that requires sacrifice and pain. This thought is the basis of the statement that “if it were easy it wouldn’t be worth it.”

I’m here to challenge all this.

First off – if we buy into the notion that whatever we’re working on is hard, we look for ways to prove this.  If you are trying to lose weight and you tell yourself how much stuff you can’t have and how hard it is to stay on track – how do you think you feel about your eating plan?  Then, top it off with what everyone refers to as a “cheat meal” and then feel wonderful about that!

If you’ve been reading my work for any amount of time you know how powerful I feel language is.  I believe this is where many people can benefit from a change of mindset and it will make a huge difference in how it goes for them.

If you work on creating a positive atmosphere around what you are doing I guarantee you that it will make even the hardest tasks more pleasant and easier.

For example – when setting out for a long run, I can choose to think about the miles, the heat and the effort the whole thing is going to take me.  Instead in order to get a good run in, I think of the fact I’m doing meditation at the same time, how good I will feel when I’m done, how accomplished I will feel and how strong I am becoming.  I’m not telling myself anything that is not true however I’m just focusing on all the benefits of my run instead of all the challenges.

Status Quo

The other thing that deserves review is this idea of change.  This is a natural progression in life.  Why are we so against change?

I encourage you to give up on the notion that life should be the same all the time.  If we didn’t have ups and downs how boring would life be? [Raise Your Hands And Scream-Aug 2012]  Think of the blooms we would not see if seeds never broke their shells and sprouted their first leaves!  Think of the life you would live if you never grew up and never changed.

Give Up The Story

Finally, the last thing I want you to give up today is the notion that your dream life can’t come true. Please give up the thought that your dreams are too big, you’re too old or that your time is past or whatever is holding you back from chasing that spark that lights you up.

Look, if you are still breathing – even if you’re on life support – it ain’t over til it’s over!

When you give up all the stuff above, you make space for all the greatness that you can possibly hold, and if your arms get full, think about what else you can give up that is not allowing for great stuff to come into your life.

Focus on the benefits you reap from chasing what you truly desire.  Focus on the life that you wish to live and what you look, feel and act like when you are living that life.

Remember that change happens, it is not something to be feared or forced it is natural, doesn’t have to be scary and brings beautiful things like butterflies and blooms. Sometimes there is a spot during this that it feels like life is in chaos however it will pass and just understand it is a temporary part of change.  If you fight it less it will carry you along.

And last but not least, step into your dreams bit by bit.  Nothing is too big or crazy – look, we’ve got people sending cars to the moon and a guy who created the pool noodle.  So get crazy, creative and dream anything you want then take a small step towards it.

Look, you’re going to give up things along the road of life, let’s make them things that have been weighing you down or holding you back from living your dreams, not the dream itself.

IMG_3758

 

Start Before You’re Ready

What are you waiting for?

I want to let you in on a secret of mine. You will never be exactly ready to do whatever it is you are thinking of doing but are afraid to do.

Whether you want to start a business, ask out the cute guy or girl, ask for a raise or move to a different country – whatever it is (and I can say, I’ve done all of the above) you may not ever be ready.

You know what I say to that? Do it anyway!

There are so many people I work with or just come into daily contact with that are missing out on experiences because they are not quite ready.

Is there something you would like to do but are afraid? Awesome, this means you are one of the lucky ones that has found something of meaning for you! Now, make a plan and execute on a small, introductory scale. Try it out and see if it is what you wanted, hoped or expected. Once you take the first step, pivot, tweak or scrap altogether accordingly.

imagesThis is what I call living in the first kiss moment. You know that scary, exciting moment before you kiss someone for the first time? You don’t know if it will go well or not, you don’t know if you will enjoy it or not or how they will react to you. There is a whole bunch of fear and you are never quite ready for the kiss – you realize you ate garlic at dinner, your lipstick is not right, your shave is not close enough whatever the case may be – but you lean in anyway.

There is so much emotion and angst packed into a first step, but usually, there is a lot of information that comes out of that very first step. You figure out quite quickly if you want to take another step, you obtain feedback from receiving parties, you figure out minor adjustments right away.

By starting in a direction you will learn all sorts of things. You will discover if this is the way you really want to go or not, you will discover a bit about yourself, you will flex the muscle of trying something that scares you. You will begin to discover you are far more ready than you let yourself believe.

My request to you this month is to find that thing that you are putting off doing because you are not “ready” and do it anyway.

Here is the thing – I have spoken before about already being in a “no” state. The thing you want, you already don’t have so asking for it and not getting it doesn’t change anything, but if you do get it, it’s a win. Really you have nothing to lose since you never had it and only the possibility of “it” to gain.

So I encourage you to request that raise you deserve, ask out the cute guy or girl, move forward on creating that business and ask for that first kiss. Anything might happen, but I promise you that there is very little you can’t survive, and most often people find that they not only survive but thrive by continuing to live in the first kiss mindset.

Drop me a line (Elizabeth@ThriveThisDay.com) and let me about your first kiss experience!

Becoming Limitless

**Warning this process can become addictive**

Fear is paralyzing at times. It causes us to remain in a place not necessarily of comfort but of familiarity. The old statement “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”

However fear stifles growth if you let it. It shuts down the very essence of living because as the saying goes, “if you’re not living, you’re dying.” I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to be dying.

I have no desire to live a predictable life where outcomes and results are safe or guaranteed, so I live life in a manner that scares most people (mostly my poor father).  I move to places I’ve never been and don’t know anyone, I take risks like starting my own business and I dream big, like building an island retreat center.

I am constantly taking steps in the direction of my fear because although I’m not a thrill-seeker, I do like the feeling of overcoming my fear.  In the case of fear, the end justifies the means for me.

Most of what I do on a regular basis is something I hear others say they could “never do” – but I thoroughly disagree. I think everyone has the capacity to live the life I do however for some, it’s not what floats their boat, and for others they just haven’t mustered the courage to take the chance to try.

Here is the thing though. I did not wake up one day with the courage to do these “crazy” things and dream as big as I do. As a matter of fact, I was a child who was scared of the dark and had many fears that required an unimaginable amount of stuffed animals for comfort and a feeling of security while I was growing up.

I made little strides over time. My mother was not entirely gentle on pushing me through some of it, but it worked just the same. Sometimes the fear of your mother being mad is way bigger than whatever bogyman you think exists! Regardless of how, my mother was intent on raising me as a capable young woman and stretched me to do things I was afraid to do. Through the process I began to cultivate courage.

As I got older, I put myself into circumstances that were a bit difficult to say the least. I found that I was able to overcome incredible odds because I just had to. I learned that even if I thought something was not possible, I should try anyway.  Sometimes things turned out the way I hoped…and sometimes not, but I always learned something from the experience.

I found that my boundaries and limits were really not as clear as I thought. I continued to push them both figuratively and litterally. I started small and continued to expand as I had successes.

I can still remember the feeling of crossing the finish line of my first 5k race. Having been a two pack-a-day smoker for over ten years, this was not only an unthinkable achievement, but a goal I never would have even considered just years before.

Today I’m a marathoner.

IMG_4200

So this is where the warning comes in. I have found that once you start realizing that limits are self perceived, you may start looking for your next challenge. Each time I overcome a challenge or overtake fear, I think, well if I can do that, what else can I do?

Today I encourage you to take those baby steps to stretch your courage just a bit.  To work at something you feel might just be a bit out of reach for you.  You will be amazed at the feeling you get just by trying and as you build successes.

As you begin to expand your vision of what is possible for you, you may find yourself looking for the next big thing just out of reach, and the next, and the next. You get the point.

I’ll just remind you, you’ve been warned!

I can’t wait to hear where your newfound courage takes you!
-E