Start Before You’re Ready

What are you waiting for?

I want to let you in on a secret of mine. You will never be exactly ready to do whatever it is you are thinking of doing but are afraid to do.

Whether you want to start a business, ask out the cute guy or girl, ask for a raise or move to a different country – whatever it is (and I can say, I’ve done all of the above) you may not ever be ready.

You know what I say to that? Do it anyway!

There are so many people I work with or just come into daily contact with that are missing out on experiences because they are not quite ready.

Is there something you would like to do but are afraid? Awesome, this means you are one of the lucky ones that has found something of meaning for you! Now, make a plan and execute on a small, introductory scale. Try it out and see if it is what you wanted, hoped or expected. Once you take the first step, pivot, tweak or scrap altogether accordingly.

imagesThis is what I call living in the first kiss moment. You know that scary, exciting moment before you kiss someone for the first time? You don’t know if it will go well or not, you don’t know if you will enjoy it or not or how they will react to you. There is a whole bunch of fear and you are never quite ready for the kiss – you realize you ate garlic at dinner, your lipstick is not right, your shave is not close enough whatever the case may be – but you lean in anyway.

There is so much emotion and angst packed into a first step, but usually, there is a lot of information that comes out of that very first step. You figure out quite quickly if you want to take another step, you obtain feedback from receiving parties, you figure out minor adjustments right away.

By starting in a direction you will learn all sorts of things. You will discover if this is the way you really want to go or not, you will discover a bit about yourself, you will flex the muscle of trying something that scares you. You will begin to discover you are far more ready than you let yourself believe.

My request to you this month is to find that thing that you are putting off doing because you are not “ready” and do it anyway.

Here is the thing – I have spoken before about already being in a “no” state. The thing you want, you already don’t have so asking for it and not getting it doesn’t change anything, but if you do get it, it’s a win. Really you have nothing to lose since you never had it and only the possibility of “it” to gain.

So I encourage you to request that raise you deserve, ask out the cute guy or girl, move forward on creating that business and ask for that first kiss. Anything might happen, but I promise you that there is very little you can’t survive, and most often people find that they not only survive but thrive by continuing to live in the first kiss mindset.

Drop me a line (Elizabeth@ThriveThisDay.com) and let me about your first kiss experience!

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Who Are Your 1,500 People?

WDS in LightsAnother year of WDS has passed and although the lead up to it this year was different for me, the result seems to only get better.

There are many reasons why WDS is on my list each year as a “must budget for” conference. There are the amazing speakers, many of whom I don’t know until I get there, the academies by some of my favorite mentors and of course Portland, it is such a wild and amazing city, it’s a definite draw.

I will say though that when the stage darkens and the closing party is over, it is the people I have met that I carry with me from this experience.

IMG_2460Each year I am amazed at the number of people from all walks of life and with all different ideas and methods about how to make this world just a wee bit better. My spirit is always renewed that this many people care – just simply care about me, you and helping others live good lives doing nice things.

I spend the days, weeks and months after WDS reaching out to those I’ve met, following their progress on social media and supporting them in any way I can because we are now connected. I recognize faces even though I may not know their names or names that I can’t place the face to, but I feel a bond because I know we have a common ground through WDS.

I see people from this group soaring through the clouds doing amazing things and I am not jealous, I am grateful because I know a rising tide lifts all boats in the harbor. I reach out to those in the community with compatible projects or skills and look for ways to share or combine our gifts to create even bigger impact.

In this space I feel no competition; I feel unity and encouragement. I feel as though we have a common purpose with unique solutions that combined could really dominate the world in a great way!

IMG_2549The five people I spend the most time with are very important indeed, and I can say most of them are WDS attendees, but the 1,500 I spend a week with each year have an enormous impact on how I feel about what I can accomplish and how big I can dare to dream.

Thank you for the assembly of these stars in my life, they are a necessary beacon throughout the year. They are as reliable as nightfall and they often are there to help me through the inevitable storms to the next sunrise.

A Few of my 1,500!

A Few of my 1,500!

Independence Day Rewrite

Independence Day

I was seven years old when my parents divorced and my mother went from being a housewife to the main provider in the home while battling her first stage III diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Disease, a lymphoma.

I got a clear message from my mother at that time, not sure if it was said, or simply implied, or both, but she was determined that her three girls would not be dependent on anyone, they would be independent women! Even after she remarried, her theme was clear and consistent, you will learn all the skills and capabilities you need to not be reliant on anyone.

True to form, when I got my license, like any teenager, I was anxious to take the car out and feel my newfound freedom. My mother had no problem with that, but of course, I first had to demonstrate that I could remove and replace a flat tire if need be.

This is one of the many examples of the teachings that I received. Being raised to be independent has some great freedoms with it; I know I can do anything I need to do to get where I want to be. Unfortunately, I can no longer change a tire, because of those darn air guns that put the lug nuts on so tightly I don’t have even enough weight to jump on a crossbar to get them off! That said, I am rarely left stranded in a situation because I was raised to rely on myself to figure it out and get it done.

The other message that I never quite picked up on clearly enough at the time was that in life you’ll get further by building a team and asking for help, or even just comfort when needed. While battling her illnesses over the years, my mother had regular trips into the city for radiation, chemotherapy and numerous appointments. She was often too weak or tired to cook or maintain the home and of course there was the time spent in the hospital, complicated by single parenthood and what to do with the kids!

Everyone that knew my mother recognized her as a force! She was well known in our community as a “get it done” and independent woman. She was smart, driven and capable, however these traits did not stop her from accepting kind gestures of meals being prepared, driving trips into the city or even carpooling so us kids could get to where we needed. It took years for me to recognize this skill is not only important in life, but makes the journey better.

Let’s face it, the human race was not meant to exist alone. We are community-based creatures with need for connection and interaction. So many people are trying to “do it on their own” this relates to everything from work to entrepreneurship to life’s trials and celebrations.

It took me such a long time to figure out how to reach out for help, accept or invite assistance with anything I was trying to do – even when it was just trying to survive! All this has taken even longer to put it into practice, and let’s face it, I am still working on it, but I am convinced inter-dependence is the one of the keys to happiness.

As wonderful as independence is, our lives are more fully lived when we have connection and inter-dependence. The feeling one gets when they help someone is a gift we give to each other. The distance we can go when we work together is much further than what we can cover alone.

I’m not saying not to develop your own talents and skills, nor am I saying rely on others for everything. What I am saying is that you don’t have to know it all, do it all and manage it all alone.

I encourage you this month to look at what you want to accomplish over the upcoming month, and see where you might reach out for assistance or develop a team. One of the beautiful benefits I see each day as a coach is what can be accomplished together.

I know there are amazing dreams, big goals and everyday tasks that are on your plate, I wonder how much easier, faster and enjoyable they will be when you stop trying to do it all yourself and ask for someone to join your efforts.

 

The Pain of Indecision

Fences contain or protect but they are not designed for growth

Are you sitting on a fence right now? I mean this in a symbolic way, not in a literal way. Is it one of those pokey, picket fences or is it just a comfortable post and rail fence that allows you to have one leg on each side? How are you feeling there?

My theory is that there are two kinds of fence straddlers and I’m sure if you don’t agree, I’ll hear about it in emails (which I welcome). There is the one that is terribly uncomfortable straddling the fence. They lean on one side they get poked and it hurts then the lean on the other side getting poked again and it hurts and they struggle to take the leap. They are not comfortable where they are and each time the lean to one side or another they get poked and they want to avoid the pain so they end up feeling stuck.

Then there is the person that is sitting on a fence, who enjoys the view on each side of the fence. From atop the fencepost they get to see both sides of the fence without leaving either one. A “cake and eat it too” situation, however the person is never fully present on either side and lacks the benefit of fully engaging. The other issue with this is that this straddler gets to tell themselves stories of how they are getting the best of both worlds and may not fully comprehend what they are missing and the pain they cause others from their non-committal state. There is a lot of movement in this state but no moving forward so the person feels stuck and stagnant although not totally unhappy they lack that feeling of happiness they are seeking.

Do either of these situations sound familiar? What is holding you back from deciding which side of the fence you want to be on?

How is making no decision a better decision then the wrong one?

“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

Neil Peart, Freewill

I don’t mean to trivialize any of these situations. People often find themselves on these fences at the crossroads of pretty important decisions. It is the sheer magnitude of the decision before them that causes the fence to appear in the first place.

I have been through some pretty tough situations myself so I know the depth of thought these take. I am not promoting a big leap here without careful thought, however I am your coach and I will not encourage or allow you to stay there up on a fence – at some point you will become impaled or get splinters where you don’t want splinters!

So how do you move forward when you feel each decision will have strong consequences?

IMG_1997Think

Get honest with yourself, understand what brought you to this situation requiring a decision? Is this something you need to decide for you or is someone else requiring you to make a decision? Remember, there is absolutely no benefit to blame in this stage – or at any stage for that matter – so stay away from that thought process while deeply considering what are the options before you.

Should

While thinking, if the word should comes up, I request that you automatically check in with yourself and find a different reason. If you feel you Should anything, it is not in alignment with you and it is an expectation put onto you by someone or something else. Do not let this feeling of what you “should do” dictate an important decision.

Values

Review your values and how they may play into this decision. If you are deciding based on something outside your values, I’m going to go out on a limb to say you are going to be unhappy with your decision. A good decision will be routed in your value system and you will be able to feel more confident in your choice because of that.

ACT

The final step is to act. Yes, you need to actually act on your decision! If it is a wrong decision, don’t be ashamed to notice and correct, but if you make no decision, everyone loses! If it is the right decision, it won’t necessarily be easy, but there is often a sense of relief after making it. There may be pain that comes from it, or further struggle, but there will be the sense that it is over and the decision has been made and your energy can now be put to use moving forward.

The Relief

I’m not suggesting this is an easy thing to do, however a life lived in indecision or worse yet, drifting for lack of decision is not the abundant life you deserve. I encourage you to live lives that you wish to embrace everything and if this is not the life you are living, make a decision to create that for yourself. You deserve it!

So decide away! And know that you are always just one decision away from whatever you wish for yourself.

-E

Your Super Power Revealed

I often speak about how important mindset is to reaching your dreams, or living the life you desire. The truth is, we are all not naturally good at this trait and often times need some assistance in this area.

I work with clients that sometimes seem afraid to tell me what they are really dreaming about – however I quickly explain, I’m pretty useless to them if we don’t get this part out in the open. After a few nervous giggles, I usually hear the deep, dark, beautiful vision they hope for.

Frequently, this reveal is immediately followed by all the reasons they can’t reach their dream and how silly the desire is.

Or worse, I am provided a calculated “safe” description of a dream which is usually a far cry from what the person really wants.

The problem is not that we aim too high and don’t achieve it. It is that we aim too low and reach it.

Ken Robinson

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When we do finally get the real idea/vision/dream out in the open we then have to tackle to stories surrounding why they believe it’s not possible to achieve their desire. This is an extremely important part of the process to address the stories we tell ourselves because you can’t just plow through them (I know, I’ve tried!) because you will sabotage yourself down the road.

Time to get out your pen

The stories we tell ourselves that declare a goal is unachievable, or worse, silly to reach for, must be rewritten. The stories must be identified and rewritten with you as the hero or heroine and creator of your achievement. This is a crucial portion of the process.

Once you can see your goal realized and yourself as the one that can bring this dream to a reality two very important things happen. You have tried it on for size in your imagination and you sometimes find out, you really actually don’t want it. Or you have just set yourself up for success.

The belief that you can accomplish – or not accomplish something is critical to the results.

If you think you can or cannot do it, either way you are correct.

Henry Ford

When you understand and fully identify and accept that you are capable of great things, you create great things. You begin to think in the way of possibilities and overcoming obstacles. This doesn’t mean the obstacles don’t show up, they are simply not show stoppers anymore because you have belief that it is possible for you to achieve your desire.

You seek your way around an obstacle when you believe there must be a way. You will look for other possibilities to overcome this obstacle. You will become curious to figure out what this obstacle is trying to tell you, you will assume there is a reason for it and the reason is not to stop you but to tell you something. The biggest gift of your new belief system is the power of perspective – it will change when you look for a message.

Belief is your superpower.

Cheerleaders always ramp up with positive “you can do it” type cheers when the odds are down and against their team. This is not to be cruel, it is to feed the team and the spectators the belief that what they are seeking is possible. Can you imagine a cheerleading squad coming out in the Patriot’s 4th quarter of the Super Bowl saying, “Too bad, so sad, you tried, let’s go home” as a cheer? Heck no! And we do know how that amazing game ended…

When you have belief that you can accomplish what you desire, you are unstoppable. If you don’t have belief, but really want to make your dream come true, find someone who believes in you and borrow their belief until yours comes along!

There have been many times when I have seen incredible potential in a client that they have not seen in themselves. It is at this point I ask them to trust me, that I know it is within them. It doesn’t take long before a few items on their path to success get crossed off and they begin to see what I see. It is ok to borrow someone’s belief in you until you strengthen the muscle within you and begin to feel the possibility.

So think about what you believe is possible for yourself. Then question those beliefs and challenge if they are truly as big and bold as what is truly possible for you.

I do believe if you can dream something, you can achieve it. I also am a firm believer that you are not given a dream you cannot achieve. So come on, what are you waiting for?

I’ve got extra belief to spare if you decide you need a hand getting started. I believe in your dreams, do you?

-E

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Planting Seeds

When my kids were growing up I was always telling them to be careful what they told themselves. I was learning the power our thoughts and words have over our bodies and actions.  I didn’t learn this as a child and I wanted to provide them an awareness early on.

There were those times when they would say something derogatory to themselves in frustration and I would get on them about it. They would often brush me off and do the “yah, I know, my brain is listening to me” response thing that teenagers do. I do know that they truly heard me though there was never a chance they would have told me.

Your Brain Is Not That Smart

The power of our words is so very important to understand. Those spoken and even those, especially those, thought and left to play on repeat in our minds. The trouble here is that your brain doesn’t verify these thoughts, it just accepts them as truth.  These are the seeds we are planting each day.

When I begin to work with clients, along the road we often come to a point where it’s obvious there are stories they are telling themselves that are holding them back from what they want. Most times people are not even conscious of this, although sometimes they are, but they haven’t addressed it. It is at this time we discuss writing some new stories – planting some new seeds to cultivate.

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What Will You Plant?

What amazes me is how many people have so much trouble with the exercises for this. When I work with clients and we talk about how important self-talk is and there is never any doubt how important it is. I then send them off to notice something wonderful about themselves each day and they come back with shrugged shoulders saying they just had a really hard time with it.

It’s so interesting the resistance many of us have to say nice things to ourselves. So why when it comes to recognizing and celebrating positive things about ourselves do we have such struggle?

There has been so much engrained in us not to be boastful or brag. I understand not encouraging arrogance, but when did that turn into not appreciating or acknowledging anything nice and good about ourselves?

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So Now What?

I say that it is high time to put an end to this! I am telling you, that it is not only ok, but necessary to acknowledge your greatness. If you don’t recognize how fabulous you are, how on earth with you share it with others?

Think of all you can accomplish when you stop planting the seeds of doubt or negativity! When you think you are capable of doing things, you just do them; you don’t question, or explain why you can’t do them, you just do them. Once you learn to drive a car you don’t stand at the door with key in hand and wonder, you just get in and drive.

Your Mission If You Choose To Accept It

So for one week, I encourage you to listen to the stories, excuses or “not nice” things you tell yourself. Notice if you are always making self-deprecating remarks to make people laugh or to hide your insecurities. Pay attention to the thoughts you allow to move about unspoken in your head or out loud.

Then STOP!

For the following week (and forever more), every time you notice yourself doing one of the behaviors above, stop and turn it around. This is not as easy as it sounds, but I can guarantee you it will be worth the effort. If you are not sure you can do something, don’t say you can’t, just analyze if you would like to, find someone to help you accomplish it and give yourself a positive nudge and DO it!

If you find yourself consistently telling yourself negative things, stop and find something positive you can say. If you don’t like your hair today, instead of looking in the mirror and downing yourself, notice your eyes or your smile and how beautiful they are. Maybe your hair is just not cooperating today, so just look for what is. I’m not trying to Pollyanna you, just refocus on what is positive and the negatives become less important.

I hope you will take on this challenge because the seeds you plant each day are directly related to the bounty you will harvest. No one is served by you planting mean, doubtful or condescending seeds, especially not you!

I’d love to hear your experiences with this exercise. It is Spring and there is no better time to turnover the soil and plant a fresh garden.

-E

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An Open Letter To My Children

This post is a bit past due – however the sentiment still applies.

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate mothers – yours and those that have mothered you and molded you into the person you’ve become, helped you through times you never thought you would make it through and loved you when you felt unlovable.  Mother’s Day is a bit different for me, I don’t see it so much as a day my children honor me, more a day for me to thank them for making me a mother.

I was 19 when I had my first child, I was figuring out how to be an “adult” when I became responsible for this little human – it was terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.  I have literally grown up alongside my children.  I have often said that having children saved my life, and to this day I believe it is true. These days as we have all made it to so-called adulthood, it is fascinating to see the reflection of my life in their lives and theirs in mine.  I am moved by their desire to help others and their empathy and humanitarianism.  I don’t always agree with some of the choices they make and then I remind them, I made a few decisions my parents weren’t thrilled about either – and we all turned out ok in the end.  Sometimes I say that more to remind myself!

On this Mother’s Day I got to speak to my daughter who lives on the other side of the country while she was in between her 2 jobs.  We just chatted as normal about her weekend fun and how she was beginning to get comfortable in this thing we call the “adult world” and some thoughts about what opportunities are in the days ahead for her.  Later I hopped in a car with my son and we drove out to a beach, had Bloody Mary’s, some lunch and a long discussion about travel, what it means to live life fully.

At the end of the day, this for me was a celebration of my children.  I have been incredibly fortunate to be able to have this front row ticket to watching these two develop and grow – they are the show I have come to see and I am excited every day to see what they create in their lives.  I completely owe my gratitude to them as they have supported me, helped me through times I might not have made it through without them, loved me when I felt unlovable and helped me realize and become the woman I am today.

This Mother’s Day, I celebrate my children who raised me while I was raising them and who love and support me through all my dreams and adventures.  May we continue to grow together and discover all life is meant to be for each of us.

With all my love

-Mom

My Pride &  Joy